One Night Stand

March 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

I have dreams of fame and fortune.
I also have dreams of solitude
with no one fucking bothering me.
I sit and stare at my fingers
examining every little particle on the nail
Till
i want to bite it all off
and make it just right.
It makes me feel good
to smooth out those nails
And chip away at the cuticles. Although,
the overwhelming guilt and pitiful feeling I feel afterwards is
a pain in the ass.
I just want a one night stand every once in a while with my finger nails.
I want to bite them once a year for an hour.

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Whomp, Whomp

March 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

Whomp, Whomppppp…
Two people have said this to me over the last few days.
Now I have to ask…What the hell is a whomp, whomp??
They tend to drag that last whomp.
Like a sound effect,
Yea
A sound effect.
News flash,
I don’t need a sound effect to my life
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Back to the whomping
All I can think about when I hear the whomp, whomp
is Charlie Brown.
Poor Charlie Brown.
Thank you.
You just suckered punched Charlie Brown in my head.
What if everytime you share something personal,
I talk about Eeyore.
OR
how about Bambi
BAMBI’S LITTLE VOICE. Momma!
I remember eating off every nail
sitting in the hallway in school,
watching Bambi,
the entire third grade,
yes we watched tv during school.
hence, why i am here.
sittin
indian-style,
almost peeing myself
listening to little Bambi.
Who the hell did Disney think it was?
I don’t think I need to explain myself any further.
But Charlie,
On the other left hand,
Well I rather enjoyed Charlie Brown’s tribulations.
But now…
All I can hear is your stuffy,
Go blow your nose, why don’t you
Whomp, whomp.
Whomp, whomp is the sike of the nineties.
Portlandia dreams about the nineties,
By the way.
I wanted to smack someone in the mouth everytime they said Sike.
Didn’t you?
I was ten year old
Who wanted to smack someone.
Now with the whomp, whomp,
I want to smack them because
They have destroyed Charlie Brown
And brought back
The nineties.
Big difference.

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